It has been nine weeks since I first reflected on my performance in NUS. In the previous reflection, I identified the reasons for my abysmal academic results and proposed ways to rectify the problem. This post will update you on my progress thus far.

With much disappointment, I have not really improved much. I had vowed to free myself from a distracted mind. However, instead of improving or at least stay the way I previously was, I have become even more distracted than the last semester. I am working at a rate where I can only complete half an assignment in as long as two days. The main problem lies with the fact that whenever I am stressed or frustrated about being stuck at an assignment for too long (including writing this post), I tend to form an escapist mentality by taking long breaks which consume a lot of precious time .

Now that the end of the semester is drawing near, overcoming my tendency to procrastinate is becoming urgent once more. None of the solutions that I mentioned in the last post has been carried out. It is paramount that I commit myself to those promises by building up my mental resilience in order to combat my lack of focus.

Reflection 1

Let me contemplate my journey in NUS thus far. Well, a blunder, maybe. Or I could excuse and forgive myself, since it has only been one semester. Nevertheless, sitting duck at my current pathetic level of progress was never a solution that I ever had in mind. I was never enthusiastic about academic subjects right from the start, even before matriculation. To me, studying at the university was about getting a degree and surviving with a pragmatic job that might not even interest me.

The two years in army furthered my eroding interest in studies. I could have spent my two years wisely by reading books to keep my intellect alive during break times. However I was only interested in fooling around in bunk and even during the weekends, I devoted my time to leisure.

 After leaving the army and upon entering NUS last year, I was still unable to set my mind for study. An ideal university life would be a balance between work and play, but I was only interested in the latter. I could hardly stay focused in lectures and my mind often wandered away with irrelevant thoughts: What shall I have for lunch? Where should I meet my friends this Sunday? How should I play hard this coming semester break? During self-studying, procrastination seemed to be my forte. I could study for fifteen minutes and then surf Facebook or watch Youtube videos for the next two hours. These were all a result of a lack of passion. As the final exams drew closer, my lack of content knowledge snowballed. My exam revision was rather stressful as I started to cramp whatever I had lagged behind. Towards the last few papers, I got so sick of studying that I just gave up revising for these modules, i.e., I entered the examination hall with approximately fifty percent of the required content.

 The results were rather expected. Comparing my CAP score with the rest of my peers, I was probably the lowest scorer. Despite this, I did not feel depressed because I knew that if I had studied consistently, not give in to distractions or not broke down during the revision period, I would have obtained a more decent CAP. However, that does not mean that I am nonchalant about my abysmal progress.

At the start of this semester, I have recognized the need to change my attitude as well as strategies. Firstly, I need to deal with my inability to focus which would be my biggest bane. Perhaps switching off my WIFI while reading my pdf textbooks and notes might be a good start, since I have always been finding it a chore to walk to the living room to start the router. Secondly, to rectify my lack of interest in certain modules, I would need to discuss the lectured contents with my peers. Previously, I had not bothered to do so and stayed out of any academic related discussions. I reckon that participating in such discussions might stimulate my interest in mundane modules because my contribution to the topic would give me a better sense of belonging to my clique of friends. Last but not least, I need to avoid another break down during revision period by having the discipline to study consistently.

 I do hope that with my new resolve, I will be able to escape this abyss. I shall be realistic by staying true to the promises I have made to myself till at least the first continual assessment. The result of that particular CA would be an indicator of how much I have really reformed myself.